Top 6 Leave the Gun and Take the Cannoli

Andrea Bocelli



I have no idea what the headline means, but like tonight's guest Andrea Bocelli, it’s a ridiculous Italian reference for American Idol. Along with producer/evil taskmaster David Foster (who as a critic makes Simon Cowell look like Paula Abdul), Bocelli ushered in a theme of “Love Songs.” Or as I prefer to look at it, a night that holds the sweet promise of putting Kellie Pickler one step closer to her old job, manning the pump handle on Grandpa’s moonshine still. And by the way, why is it that Randy and Paula can wax on with their little "judgements," but it is considered acceptable to rudely interrupt and criticize Simon when it is his rightful turn to speak? Same goes for Seacrest and his never-ending little Cowell-barbs. Simon is good, but everybody else is making him look even better.

Cominciamo:
Katharine McPhee - Kat committed the Mortal Sin that no one in 5 seasons of A.I. has ever been able to get away with and lived to escape the judge’s fury: she dared to sing a WHITNEY song!!! No matter that she nailed it to the wall as she simultaneously blew the friggin’ roof off the place. I guess she compounded her Sin by having the added audacity to be even more shimmeringly sensuous and shockingly lovely than ever while committing it. Perhaps she should have tried disarming the judges after the song with a couple of down-home malapropisms -- it usually works for Pickler. Was Kat as good as Whitney? Who cares? Why bother to make the comparison? She sang the song because she could -- because she possesses that rare level of vocal talent that allows her to tackle such songs in the first place. Kat was on stage tonight, delivering. Where is your Whitney Houston?
Unfortunately for Kat, and just like Whitney, tonight all three judges were on crack. Score: Kat on fire. Judges on crack.

Elliott Yamin - I’ve been trying to preach it now for something like 10 or 12 weeks. Elliott is the Man. Can you deny it? If you didn’t see and hear it tonight, you were probably watching America’s Top Model. A brilliant (as always) song selection [A Song For You] and breathtakingly stellar performance, which caused Paula to break down for the third time today (only this time it was on camera), and speed dial her pharmacist on her cell, on the air, before deferring to Simon, who appropriately genuflected in humilty to be in the presence of such Talent. Then they had to quickly cut to a commercial. At least that’s how I remember it. If Elliott gets booted this week, I will move to Iraq and never watch this show again in my life. Or, give up mushrooms.

Kellie Pickler - It’s official: even blind men know she is blonde. At this point I guess the B4 club [Blonde Bimbo Bumpkin Boosters] out there are feeling a little sorry for their girl tonight, having to follow two real singers -- or perhaps I should say for having to appear on a show with five real singers. Last week was Bewitched Bothered & Bewildered, and tonight we were treated to Droney, Dreary & Dreadful. The song choice was abysmal, and worse, smelled of Cowell-brown-nosism (this is supposedly his favorite song). This performance would have gotten any other contestant booted from the final 12, if it could have managed to keep anyone listening awake after 15 seconds in. And speaking of awake, it’s time for America to wake up and smell the kalla-mary: send Kellie-May home. And by the way, I have never liked that song.

Paris Bennett - I took some flack last week for not being as impressed with Princess P as the judges were. Tonight she took on The Way We Were, perhaps giving it more the Gladys Knight treatment than the Bah-Bra spin. I found myself in Randy’s camp (say it isn't so!!!) - check it out, check it out -- it was just OK, dawg -- for me. For me. Paris is still golden, but the performance was not one of her best. I hope she manages to stay another week.

Taylor Hicks - Is Taylor off his medication or something? Or was he off it for awhile and now he’s back on it? Did his goldfish die? He almost literally SLEPT through James Ingram's Just Once, until the big Money Notes came up, when his Soul Fairy Godmother stepped in and elbowed him (“Pump it up, T.H.! Now!). Then he went back to his nap. He’s not looking like he really wants this.

Chris Daughtry - Bocelli and Foster taught Chris the technique of singing while curled up in the fetal position on the floor. That was cool, but really, that's one of Taylor's old tricks. The mysterious A.I. powers-that-be wrongfully stuck CD in the bottom 2 (!) last week, after what I thought was one of his best performances. Tonight he was back with another sweetly delivered Daughtry-ized ballad, and this one seemed to make everybody happy! Gee whiz, I guess he’s going to be safe this week! Paula stood up and went into mini-hysterics; she was still a little damp from having kittens during Elliott’s number. This song reminded me of “God Didn’t Make The Little Green Apples,” which is probably what he should sing next week. No, I’m serious.

What? That’s all? Darn it -- I was just gettin' warmed up! I miss Ace already! How 'bout a little Queen encore?

Pardon me while I go to my room and do my Kat power-dial thing.

Surviving Seven Sing Standards; Stewart Supports

Rod The Mod,
in more glorious days



If you recognized Marilu Henner in the opening audience shot, you may very well also remember the early, more credible half of guest muse Rod Stewart's career in the 60s and 70s. Despite the former gravedigger's foray into more questionable musical subgenres in the 80s and 90s, it can still truly be said that he is a legend of rock 'n roll, and in the music business. A bout with thyroid cancer drove Stewart's more recent genre transition towards the not-so-rockin' [so-called] 'Great American Songbook,' a twist of fate that was ultimately a very lucrative one for him.
The Stewart-imposed theme proved to also be very good for most, if not all of the 'Top 7' tonight. And has anyone noticed — this may be the first show in Idol history on which Simon Cowell liked or praised nearly every performance [his only criticism of Kellie was that the song choice was boring].

And now, a Little Touch of Idol in The Night:

Chris Daughtry - I am nearly speechless. If tonight’s Great American Songbook theme ushered in by 'Rod the Mod' accomplished nothing else tonight, it can at least can credited for occasioning the best performance of the entire season by Christopher Daughtry. This was a revelation — not merely for its contrast to his stock-in-trade style, but for its simple perfection as a vocal performance. It was nuanced, heartfelt, in key, and even a bit moving. If Daughtry winds up winning the whole shooting match, I’ll feel a little bit better about it after hearing him sing What A Wonderful World tonight, and he was singing.

Paris Bennett - All 3 judges were wowed by Paris tonight; but oddly, for the first time in four weeks, I was not. These Foolish Things is a very nice song, but was a perfectly bad song selection for Paris. On one level, the performance was letter-perfect, but on another it was sterile and too carefully delivered, as if she were singing for a lip-reading hearing-impaired audience. If justice prevails, votes will be low this week.

Taylor Hicks - I find that Taylor is very consistent at being inconsistent. He can be maddeningly mediocre some nights, and other times can effortlessly pull magic (to use Simon’s word) out of a hat. Tonight was more like one of the latter. Sam Cooke's You Send Me is a sublime song, but not one I had high hopes for as a vocal showcase — but Taylor proved me wrong. The performance was uncharacteristically relaxed, and on the money — and was thankfully garnished by an upbeat and surprising Taylorhixter-ized finale.

Elliott Yamin - It’s tough to find new ways to say this: Elliott is a singer’s singer, and is a pure pleasure to listen to. No surprise that he delivered a spot-on version of It Had to Be You. El was relaxed, smiling, emoting, and just plain looking good, which makes Simon’s “no personality” comment very puzzling. Elliott is one of the best reasons to watch this show every week. He needs to stay, dammit.

Kellie Pickler - It’s no surprise that this entire genre, and Kellie’s selection of the fabulous song Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered would cause problems for Ms. Suds in a Bucket. I was going to give her credit for a certain vulnerable vocal quality that I could ultimately report saved her painfully unsteady performance, but she managed to mangle the song so badly by the end that I have nothing charitable left to say. In fact, I’m quite peeved that she charmed herself out of hot water before the judges, with the infamous KP “Shucks & Shazam” routine, getting off the hook with nothing more than a couple of compliments on her wardrobe. And that doesn’t strike me as fair. Fair, at minimum, would be Kellie in the bottom 3 this week. Dang right.

Ace Young - Instead of dwelling on the fact that he resembled a very tall used car-selling schoolmarm in drag, I'm really going to go out on a limb here. Another fantastic song selection was made on the show tonight with That’s All, which suited Ace’s chops to a tee, causing him to actually remind us that yes, he does indeed have a singing voice. Vocally, he actually reminded me of jazz singer Kenny Rankin, and I consider that to be a great compliment. Ace may be able to stay out of trouble this week, and deserves to, judged on tonight's performance.

Kat McPhee - So, you're watching (or more likely re-watching) this particular performance on tape, sometime after the show? Go ahead, sit back; pour yourself a beverage. Hit the mute button on the remote if you like. You know in your heart of hearts that it’s all golden, and, um, you are so correct. Just keep your eyes glued to that screen. Drink in those gratuitous extreme close-ups. Get a load of those “somebody that I’m longing to see” eyes. Lose yourself in those “I’m a little lamb lost in the woods” lips. Kat has the power to coax ridiculous levels of hyperbole out of Simon, who proclaimed her to be vastly superior to the rest of the bunch. On the other hand, sometimes the planets & stars align, and hyperbole and reality perfectly coincide. Welcome to American McPheever.
Er, Ryan’s back. You can un-mute the sound now.

Idol Pinch #8

Idols In Jeopardy

Are The Final 8 Ready For Freddie?

Ryan demonstrates his idea of constructive criticism

We may, we may not, rock you!
I was somewhat peeved that the show’s producers' penchant for theme shows has repeatedly taken American Idol to unhappy places, with tonight’s Queen theme a case in point. I have nothing categorically against the music of Queen; it just seemed an unneccessary trevail for all concerned. The good news is that it didn’t completely suck. There’s been much talk about who may or may not be drinking on the show lately — tonight, it was apparently the make-up artist. Ryan & Simon decided to keep a lid on the feud tonight [i.e. Seacrest can dish but he can't take it].


Let’s Get Queeny:

Bucky Covington - The Rockinghammer was granted the enviable show-opener slot, and surprisingly, had one of his better nights. Mind you, his Marshall Tucker-ized arrangement of Fat-Bottomed Girls was not a major vocal challenge, but Bucky woke up and mustered an actual stage performance this time around. If you’re a Bucky fan, holler “whoo-hoo!” If not, you at least have to admit that he might be around for another week.

Ace Young - Chest-scar-boy made the musical declaration “We Will Rock You,” a statement which [suspciously] is in the future tense. Perhaps he can make good on that someday, but first he must survive this week. I’m actually disappointed Ace didn’t make the obvious song selection - You’re My Best Friend, the sweetest, breathiest Queen song of all, which he therefore could have righteously nailed. Freddie Mercury might even have wanted to get behind Ace on that. Or on something. Well, at least Freddie might have had more of an appreciation for the incessant falsetto than the rest of us do.

Kellie Pickler - I’m going to have to part with our illustrious judges tonight, who were bewitched and enraptured by Miss Albemarle’s "bravery" in taking on Bohemian Rhapsody, as well as the by the flattering lighting and the Melissa McGhee-esque mascara work. I’ll give KP some credit for tackling the song as well as some sympathy for being made to sing Queen in the first place — but come on, that was off-key, weak, and pretty lackluster. I actually would have loved to have seen her really pull it off; but nope, she didn’t, even on paper. She is in desparate need of a country song, ya’ll.

Chris Daughtry - Chris is still not my cup of axle grease, though he is apparently America’s. But then, wasn't it America that elected George W. Bush, thereby initiating the Apocalypse? But I digress. Chris will probably be one of the last 3 contestants standing this season, so what I think doesn’t matter anyway. I was less familiar with this song than any of the others, but the vocal was very strong, the song choice was well-suited to his powerful voice, and I think this was basically a solid night for him. Okay, Daughtryites? Are you happy now?

Katharine McPhee - Katharine is a contestant that I have consistent faith in to deliver, week after week. And this show was no different — her vocal on Who Wants To Live Forever was stellar, but I do worry that she may be generally a bigger victim of tonight’s theme than the other contestants — a ballad in the middle of so much energetic rock, even if sung beautifully, may be a hard sell to tonight’s voters. But I suppose it’s enough for me that she was the unofficial namesake for tonight’s theme.

Elliott Yamin - The only singer tonight who didn’t merely survive the challenge of singing Freddie Mercury, he completely lived up to it. Elliott chose the difficult Somebody to Love and wailed on it with appropriate Mercury-esque passion and vocal mastery. If that weren’t good enough, El wrapped it all up with his personal funky touch. You gotta love it. And if you don’t, then just go to your room and vote for Ace or something.

Taylor Hicks - As with Chris D, the oddsmakers see Taylor hanging in this race for the long haul. Does he deserve to? Judged on actual vocal skill and versatility, perhaps not so much. But he has that ridiculously fearless quality on stage that sometimes just happens to work for him. Simon did not think so tonight. I think under the circumstances (this damned Queen theme), Hicks fared OK with Crazy Little Thing Called Love; it could have been worse. One man’s ridiculous is another man’s infectuous, I guess.

Paris Bennett - I think what impressed me the most about Princess P’s performance of The Show Must Go On was the sheer power of it. Surprisingly, she was not only not intimidated by the material, she downright owned it. Her 4th win in a row, in my book. She is an inspiration and testament to singing 16-year-olds everywhere.

Idol Pinch #7

McPheever, by Chanel: a scent that makes sense

Final 9 Meet The Gambler, and Commence to Gamblin'

Idol Country!
Know when to walk away; know when to run

Howdy, y'all.
The guest muse for tonight’s country-themed program is Kenny Rogers, a man who appears to have had not merely a facelift, but a complete facegraft. Good Lord, has he entered the witness protection program or something? No question that he looks younger, but I’m not actually convinced that’s him. And wow, this show was American Idol on Bizzaro planet — even Whoopee Goldberg and Chris Rock were there. I’m not sure I can capture the weirdness herein. And to top things off, I just don’t feel like doing it! But…

The shoo, any-hoo:

Taylor Hicks - First of all, I am out of sorts tonight, because I don’t know if I’m even up for listening to nine country songs; and in the wake of last week’s fiasco show, hopes do not run high. Taylor did not help me out of this slump. Did Hicks really choose “Country Roads, Take Me Home?,” and, er, why? Did the producers ask him to take a dive this week? Song choices in the 'soulful zone' are generally his forte. Bad song, phoned-in performance. Simon called it something like “safe, lazy and boring,” and as usual, gets it right.

Mandisa Hundley - That’s right. I no longer feel she deserves the benefit of the doubt that entitles her to sashay around with just one name. Readers of this blog know that I have had a long struggle with the question of why I cannot completely endorse Mandisa. Tonight’s performance was warbly and pitchy, so I am no closer to answering the question, but I’m beginning to think she is no longer a strong contender. She has some major country backup singing on her resumé, so she has no excuse for tonight. Simon is on the money as usual in his dislike of the song and the performance, which sparks the weirdest and most genuinely hostile exhange between Ryan and Simon ever witnessed on this program…

Sideshow: Ryan, who is apparently dating Terri Hatcher and is now the biggest Big-shot, highest-paid, most in-demand emcee/power-broker in Hollywood and perhaps The Entire World, has been buying all that Seacrest media hype — and it shows. Announcer-boy got righteously arrogant & nasty here, I think, and crossed the line this time with his inane Simon insults. Ry, I gotta tell you, if you’re going to make me choose sides between your skinny metro-sexual butt and Cowell The Man, all I can say is: Seacrest Out. At one point tonight, the show was all but stopped in its tracks be two loud and distinct "we love you Ryan" shouts from the audience, which I believe were strategically placed by Seacrest's publicist. In keeping with tonight’s theme, I will just say, Ryan, 'don’t be gettin’ above your raising.'

Elliott Yamin - Idol’s most skillful and nuanced male vocalist may have had a bit of a challenge wrapping his jazzified chops around this genre. But in spite of Kenny Rogers’ dubious words of wisdom (“you’re not trying to impress them, you’re trying to make them cry”) the Yaminator pulled a possum out of a hat with a stylish cover of Garth Brooks' If Tommorow Never Comes, and did not fail to keep his personal bar up high. I’m still down with El.

Paris Bennett - Like Simon, I disagreed with the other 2 'judges' on every negative comment they made about Ms. Bennett. This was one of my favorite Paris performances, delivered with passion, and Simon actually concurred with my own opinion that it was a bit reminscent of early Dionne Warwick (and that's a pretty big compliment). Paris is on track in this competition with three top-drawer performances in a row.

Ace Young - Ace continues his dizzying tailspin, and unyielding effort to sabotage any and all vocal promise he may have displayed in early rounds. He delivered a weak song (I Want to Cry), weakly, as he does weekly, and topped it all of with his usual falsetto beanie. If Ace looked a little more like Elliot, he would have been voted off 3 shows back, and Paula would not be drooling into her Coke (if that's what's it is). As it stands this week, he is almost guaranteed a spot in the bottom 3, again, bringing a delicious irony to the title of Ace's song selection. Simon was mildly complimentary — employing the famous Cowell trick of overpraising when he thinks a contestant is tanking prematurely in the competition. A wiley one, he is.

Kellie Pickler - One might have guessed that [down]homegirl would fare well on tonight’s show, and indeed, she does shine best in this genre, and did tonight. She was helped by a good song choice — Fancy, a sort of swamp-rocking chestnut by Bobbie Gentry (later covered by Reba McIntire) about a white trash young girl turned out in the streets by momma to turn tricks, whose strength and virtue eventually leads her to triumph. Life imitating art? Kellie’s vocal skills may never truly triumph, but she still manages enough overall appeal to stay in this greased pole climbin' race.

Chris Daughtry - It was good move for our most serious contestant, to choose a Keith Urban ballad, which finally allowed him to demonstrate that there’s more than just a lot of Groan & Shout in his vocal bag of tricks. A surprisingly good negotiation of tonight’s theme for Daughtry. He ain’t going nowhere.

Katharine McPhee - As we all know by now, there is no cure for McPheever. The pride of Sherman Oaks, California doesn’t ever really have a bad night, even on her, um, bad nights. So of course it was good — but once again, I agree with Simon -- that was the most peculiar song (Faith Hill's Bring Out the Elvis). It was billed as ‘bluesy country,’ but was neither blues nor country, and had a really odd structure. But Katharine's smile had a very nice structure. Okay, I’ll take it!

Bucky Covington - The other final-9er who by all counts should have sailed through this evening once again made one wonder how he ever got this far on American Idol. You may argue that he has some singing ability, but if so, he manages to hide it well beneath his impressive lack of stage presence. Glad he got himself some fancy duds and a nice hat for the trip home. As Kenny would say: you gotta know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em; know when to walk away…